Intention strongly influence our judgments of others

Words can be say in a nicer way............

Lori: I really resented it at the party, the way you treated me in front of our friends.
Leo: The way I treated you? What are you talking about?
Lori: About the ice cream. You act like you’re my father or something. You have this need to control me or put me down.
Leo: Lori, I wasn’t trying to hurt you. You said you were on a diet, and I’m just trying to help you stick to it. You’re so defensive. You hear everything as an attack on you, even when I’m trying to help.
Lori: Help? Humiliating me in front of my friends is your idea of helping?
Leo: You know, I just can’t win with you. If I say something, you think I’m trying to humiliate you, and if I don’t, you ask me why I let you overeat. I am so sick of this. Sometimes I wonder whether you do start these fights on purpose.

This conversation left both Lori and Leo feeling angry, hurt and misunderstood. Lori accuses Leo of hurting her on purpose, and Leo denies it. They are caught in a cycle they don’t understand and don’t know how to break.

Accusing them of bad intentions creates defensiveness. For instance, “Why do you ignore me like this?” “What I have done that makes you feel its okay to step all over me?”
We think we are sharing our hurt, frustration and anger or confusion. We are trying to begin a conversation that will end in greater understanding; perhaps some improved behavior, and maybe an apology.

Avoiding the mistakes: Impact and Intent
1. Action: What did the other person actually say or do?
2. Impact: What was the impact of this on me?
3. Assumption: Based on this impact, what assumption am I making about what the others person intended?

That's try my way:

Lori: You know when you said, "Why don't you lay off the ice cream?" Well, I felt hurt by that.
Leo: You did?
Lori: Yeah
Leo: I was just trying to help you stay on your diet. Why does that makes you upset?
Lori: I felt embrarrassed that you said it in front of our friends. Then waht I wonder is whether you said it on purpose to embarrass or hurt me. I don't know why you would to do that, but that's what I'm thinking when it happens.
Leo: Well, I'm certainly not doing it on purpose. My apology, I guess I didn't realize it was so upsetting. I'm confused about what it is you want me to say if I see you going off on your diet planning..............(The conversation is only beginning, but it is off to a better start.

I happy that I am going to take Psychology classes, which I took it for the past five years.